NEW BLOG!!!

A new adventure, a new blog!  As I head off to ACTS school in September, I'll be writing on my new site:

ashleybucknam.wordpress.com

Hope to hear from you over there!  :)

What I Learned in Brazil

I am on the final piece of my journey back home.  I think I'll bring a conclusion to updates from Brazil by sharing small lessons learned along the way.

1. Strangers are not as intimidating as I thought.

2. Hearts hungry for Jesus can be found in any place.

3. You don't have to be able to speak someone's language to love or be loved.

4. Sometimes God will bring me somewhere simply because I'm his friend and he wants me with him in what he's doing, not necessarily because of any great giftedness I have for ministry.

5. Just because I'm in a foreign country, doesn't mean I won't struggle with sin or insecurity.

6. Encouraging and building up the church is just as significant and sweet as reaching out to those who don't know Jesus.

7. Prayer and worship transcend language.

8. Economics can be a greater gap to bridge than culture.

9. I am more brave than I used to be.

10. I need Jesus.  I don't know how to emphasize this enough.  But it is desperately true in all things.

11. Eye contact and a genuine smile go a long way towards unlocking a heart.

12. I don't have to feel strong for God to use me.

13. I am sometimes indifferent about things other people have strong opinions on.  This is ok.  God made me this way so I will be able to easily adapt to different cultures.

Thank you for walking through this adventure with me.  I still believe I am on the brink of something new in my life.  Still not sure exactly what it looks like, but I will continue to share thoughts and stories on this blog along the way!  I pray my stories of Brazil have brought the country a little closer to your heart and that God stirs your heart to pray for her as she comes to mind.

Oh Lord, pour out your spirit in Brazil and make the church there a bright and shining lamp in this generation!

Vivi's Dream

I am so excited to tell you about a dream one of my new Brazilian friends shared with me.  She was in the prayer room and another friend (Amicary) was leading worship on the stage.  Amicary began to sing and proclaim, "Wake up!" and as she did so people in the room began to stand up.  What a beautiful picture of what God is doing in the church in Brazil.  

Also, Amicary told me that she has seen several reports in the news about police taking action against human trafficking and prostitution in Brazil.  If I understood correctly a place of prostitution with young children was shut down just last week.  Where was it located?  A part of town called "Liberdade."  How I love the way God moves.  The detail in his works.  A little picture of how he is bringing liberty to the captives.

As I was considering this testimony this morning, part of me was tempted to be cynical.  Yes we've been praying for rescue and freedom.  But of course the police are accomplishing projects and displaying them in the news.  It's all for show.  Yet God reminded me- it is still an answer to prayer!  And I think it's probably even more a sign of what is being put into motion in the country.  A work that will take much more time.

Freedom is such a process that often the "rescue" of girls is not helpful.   The vast majority of those brought out quickly return to to prostitution because it is what they know.  This familiarity seems easier compared to the dramatically different life they are offered so full of the unknown.  Rather if we are truly to commit to love them, we must be willing to walk with them through the process.  To build relationship.  To earn trust.  To offer, not demand, another way of life.  Other options.  A way out.  

The more I think about it, the more it looks like the love of Jesus to me.  Love offered without expectation of return.  Without promise of reciprocation.  Not witholding or guarding our own hearts, but just loving.  Not in small measure, but extravagantly.  I know this is the type of love that will win their hearts. 

Because it's the love that won mine.

1 John 4:19

I went on my first outreach!  We met at the prayer room and then walked together to a place called "Luz," which means light. :)  Several different groups that have ministries to women in prostitution joined together for the first time Saturday night.  We claimed a spot on the side of the street near a subway station where women often come.  The leaders brought food and gifts for the girls, and we went out in small groups to go invite them.

I went with Kristin (another member of the Liberdade team) and her Brazilian boyfriend Eduardo.  I was a little apprehensive beforehand about knowing what to do or say, but when we arrived I felt such peace.  I still didn't really feel like I knew what I was doing, but the calm I had in The Lord was amazing.  We walked down the street looking for women to talk to.  Kristin initiated conversation with the first woman we met while Eduardo translated.  She declined to come to the party, but was open to talking with us.   

 

Eduardo said that the street was more empty than usual.  This may have been due to a larger police presence because of the World Cup.  We walked down the street a ways and then came back to where our party was.  As we came back we saw someone by the wall and Kristin invited me to initiate conversation even though they had probably already been talked to by another group.  So I did.  It was a little uncomfortable and difficult to know what to say.  I ran out of questions after the first couple of minutes, but it was good to be pushed out of my comfort zone and just to begin reaching out to people!

Next we took some food from the party to share with a couple of homeless men we had seen sleeping on the sidewalk.  On our way we met another man who we shared food with.  I saw Jesus shine through Eduardo as he talked to the man.  We got to pray and prophesy over him and I could see he was touched.  One of the men on the sidewalk was awake when we came, so we talked with him as well.  He was so discouraged, but Eduardo declared the love of Jesus over him.  

When we came back to the party, a couple of people were ministering to a young woman so we joined them.  Wow.  It was so sweet.  She seemed to me to be full of light.  She was so beautiful as she told us about her son and listened to us pray over her and declare worth and value over her life.  One of the leaders invited her to go to church in the morning and she agreed.  Pray that she enters into relationship with Jesus and that he heals her heart and establishes her in community!  Pray also for her son- that he will choose to follow Jesus. 

 

I am so encourgaged to see how God has changed me.  I am not who I used to be.  I bought the new Bethel CD from their women's conference on-line and the first song is called "You Make Me Brave."  That's how I feel.  He is making me brave!  What a joy to have the courage to love people in ways I never had the courage to before.  Jesus, continue to make me brave and to teach me how to love like you!

The prayer room in São Paulo has officially begun and I am officially delighted!  What a joy to be part of this.  We began yesterday at about 2pm and went until midnight.  I was one of those in charge of opening today at 8am and our plan is to continue 24 hours until Sunday morning at 6am.  Then we'll begin again at 8am Monday.  It is small, but the teams are amazing.  They are so skilled in their instruments and song, and their hearts for Jesus are beautiful.  I'm a "section leader" for the 8-12 hours in the mornings, meaning I'm one of those in charge of making sure the prayer room runs smoothly.  I've had to "brief" a few teams so far.  I meet with them half an hour before their worship set to go over logistics and pray with them.

It makes me smile because I feel a little out of my depth with knowing how to do things like that and helping to run sound, but I think many of us are learning as we go.  If these worship teams can be courageous in trying a new model of worship and prayer, I can do my best to try new things to support them!

The time in the prayer room has been so sweet.  I've truly felt the presence of God and been able to hear him more clearly than I have in a long time.  At times it has only been the worship team and the section leaders, but we're doing it!  And I know the aroma of worship and prayer is pleasing to The Lord.  I know things are shifting as we come to meet him in this tabernacle.

It has been humbling as well, though.  I struggle with feeling the lack in my knowledge of how to do things or even what needs to be done.  I am often tempted to compare myself with others here who have the skills or knowledge or even to compare levels of "spirituality."  Oh the lies we listen to that cripple our minds and hearts.

But Jesus has been reminding me.  My identity is in him alone.  How gracious he is to humble me and to keep me from finding my worth in what I can do.  To tell me again that the main reason I am here is because I am his friend.  So I am finding joy in just being with him.  There is such freedom in having my eyes fixed on him instead of myself.  I pray he helps me to continue to keep them there!

"One thing I have asked from the LORD, that I shall seek:

     That I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life,

        To behold the beauty of the LORD 

            And to meditate in his temple."

                                                                 ~Psalm 27:4

Brazil!

I made it!  After 2 plane flights, an hour long in traffic on a bus, a 10 minute walk, a ride on the metro, and a finally a taxi, Lindsay and I arrived at our temporary home in the city of São Paulo.  My introduction to city life. :)

The first game for the World Cup will be on Thursday in our city, and this is when we will start our prayer room as well.  So far our schedule has been pretty relaxed.  I've been able to enjoy meeting Brazilian Christians, practicing phrases in Portuguese, and getting to know my other team members.  This week things are picking up as we finalize preparations for the prayer room.  Pray that God will give grace for wise decisions and for all of the practical aspects to come together.

Last night our team attended the prayer meeting for the Brazilian São Paulo Liberdade team that has been preparing here.  We talked through covering certain hours for being point person in the prayer room and then had a time of worship and prayer.  I wish I knew more Portuguese, but it was still sweet to be part of multiple cultures united in our love for Jesus.  Brought together by the desire to see him exalted and to see others brought into communion with him.

As I was preparing to come here, asking God to give me his heart for the church as well as the women we'll be ministering to, the word that resonated with me was reconciliation.

"Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, God making his appeal through us.  We implore you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God.  For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God." 
                                          -2 Corinthians 5:20-21

This is the point of it all- the gospel, the good news!  yes, I want to see justice; for those trapped in slavery to be set free.  But

"What will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul?  Or what shall a man give in return for his soul?"    
                                                 -Matthew 16:26

Jesus has to be the focus.  It has to be about introducing people to him.  Proclaiming to them that in Christ we are no longer separated from God.  That we are no longer bound by sin and shame, but we are made new through the blood of Jesus.  We can be righteous!  We can have friendship with God and be made whole in him!

I am not the messiah.  I am not a savior.  Jesus is.  It's all about him.

I pray many women and children are delivered from circumstances too horrific for me to comprehend, but I also pray that I have the privilege of leading many to Jesus.  To the end that when the day of The Lord does come when he judges each one and brings final justice and restoration to all, my joy will be in the fact that even weak as I am, he used me to see many lives delivered from the domain of darkness and transferred to the kingdom of his beloved son. (Colossians 1:13)

29 days

29 days.  I've started my countdown. :)  I leave June 4th for Brazil to join with Exodus Cry in their Liberdade initiative.  (See resources links for more info!)  I wanted to share with you a story of how the Lord encouraged me recently.

This past Sunday I was driving to my sister's baby shower early in the morning.  I talked my younger sister into leaving early in the morning so that we would be there in plenty of time.  Not long into the trip I remembered my gas tank wasn't full.  I began trying to scout out an exit that would have a Starbucks, but no luck.  Finally the warning light came on, so I gave up on coffee and pulled over at the next available exit.  I had two options of gas stations, one to the right and one to the left.  Despite the fact that it appeared closed, I chose left.  (Bear with me in the minor details.  It makes the end all the more meaningful!)

As I stood there waiting for my tank to fill two bikers showed up, complete with scull kerchiefs across the lower half of their faces.  Being a young woman with only my sleeping sister in the car to defend me, I tried to be observant without being too obvious.  One young man went to the pump next to me and the other to the pump across from my car.  The first seemed to struggle as he attempted to fill his bike with gas.  His friend came across to try to assist, but was unsuccessful.

Just as I was wondering if I should offer to help, he looked my direction.  Seeing me he shrugged his shoulders and said,

"We're from Brazil!"

to which his somewhat broken, accented English testified.  He went on to explain that in Brazil they have attendants to do this for them, so they were unsure of how to work the pump.  They wanted to pay with cash, but as the station was closed I suggested trying the one across the street.  I couldn't help but repeat, "You're from Brazil?!" going on to tell them I would be traveling there in about 1 month.  After a few pleasantries in which I was told I will enjoy their beautiful country, I got back in my car and drove away.

Half laughing, half crying, I was stunned.  Did the Lord really just do that for me?  I could hear him whisper to my heart

"I know exactly where you are and I know exactly how to get you where I want you at exactly the right time."

In this season of risk, wrestling in the tension between wisdom and faith, blindly going forward and "burning bridges" behind me, he sees.  He knows where I am and where I am going.  He knows how to arrange and sovereignly control circumstances so that I would be at the same mid-west gas station as 2 Brazilian biker boys for the same 10 minutes on a Sunday morning.  And while I sometimes wish he would give me a few more details in the plan, for now I am at peace.  He is so much more in control than I often give him credit for.  He is my keeper (Psalm 121).

And that is enough.